Pre-Back to School... Analyzing

We've been talking about going back to school this week. A lot. My 10 year old's anxiety hit the roof about mid-week and, in contrast, his 12 year old big brother can't wait to go back. It's made for a polarized house of ups and downs and I'm getting motion sickness.

My youngest struggles in school, Autism + ADHD + Anxiety Disorder (NOS) = a very stressful school experience. He struggles the most with Math although other subjects have specific difficulties as well.

We did some chatting specifically about sitting in math class where I tried to get a feel for what his issues are outside of the learning material, should I ask for his seat to be in a specific spot? Does he need a different type of headphones? Would he benefit from a different kind of paper? Pencil? All that kind of stuff. Basically, can I minimize every other issue so that he can focus better on the subject in which he struggles most?

It was then that I realized a big issue, something that was ESSENTIAL to my own understanding of mathematics, something that could make a fundamental difference:

THERE IS NO MATH TEXTBOOK

 I hate to constantly compare my education in the 80s-90s to education today. There was a lot bad about my education and a lot good but from 3rd grade on I always had a textbook. The idea was that the student would read the 3-4 page explanation of the math principle, which included vocabulary and example problems, then the teacher would go over it in class with more examples. Then we would complete some work relating to those problems. If I didn't understand the vocabulary, I could turn back 2 pages and look for the word in bold. If I forgot a step in solving the problem, I could turn back a page and look for an example that was similar to mine. If I took math homework home with me, the book came too. The fact is that I always had a REFERENCE to the material I was supposed to be learning until I was tested on it.

My son has no text book. When I volunteer, I make copies of worksheets, I tear pages out of workbooks but I've never seen a math book (spelling book, social studies book, language arts book...etc) on/in/near his desk.

This makes me wonder about the progression of education, I get that curriculum is different now and teaching is vastly different than my experience but at what point did books become obsolete? Where are the references and the examples that would help the vast number of visual learners like me and like my kids. Being able to see a page in a text book again and again, allowing a visual learner to take a mental "snapshot" of what is on that page is kinda key to someone who thinks in pictures and/or is a visual learner. You cannot do this with a white board or a computer screen unless you are willing to flash the exact same (to the detail) picture/explanation every time it needs to be referenced by every child. I can remember being in the 5th grade and closing my eyes during a test so that I could picture the page of a long division example, I could even remember the page number. I would have failed that test without that picture in my head.

In considering this issue, I attempted to look at it from the school's perspective as well.  Books are expensive, I get that, I'm a book lover from way way back.  I also hear from teachers that there is a paper shortage. That they are allowed ONE case of paper per school year. Should they require more, they either have to hope a parent donates some or buy it themselves. I'm not at all surprised at the paper shortage when I'm volunteering and making 30 copies of 10 worksheets per week just for math lessons.

The steps to solving a math problem out of a text book:
pull out lined paper
open text book
read instructions
copy problem
solve
repeat
(**no copy paper required, lined paper is cheaper, books are a reusable resource**)

There were a lot of things wrong with the education of the 80s and 90s, access books and reference materials to every student was not one of them. I'm not going to lie, I'm kinda pissed about this. There are many changes to today's education that is in direct contrast to my sons' learning styles and I'm starting to think that the worst of them all is something that should be the easiest to provide. Technology is great, no doubt, but arguably the greatest invention of all time, the invention that spread the most information ever through out the entire world and through out time was the printing press.

Things That Make Him Happy: Ravens Football

Football. He loves football and the Baltimore Ravens in particular. His interest in football has been something wonderful for him and for our family. Football an "acceptable obsession" he can go to restaurants with the game on the big screen and can cheer along with a crowd, he gets high fives from strangers and he can cheer his favorite team to victory with everyone else. It can be magical.

Over the last 5 years there have been many many teachable moments about yelling at home and in public, keeping calm during tough wins and far more conversations about certain commercials played during breaks than I would like (beer and boner pills are fun to explain). We look forward to the season and proudly wear our purple and black and every year I put together Cameron's NFL game book.

In the game book, every match up is listed and we spend a good amount of time during the week making our "picks". If you visit us during the season you better be prepared to make yours as well and don't worry, Cam will write it all down so your win or loss is forever notated.

Last year we stepped it up and started a small fantasy football league with friends and family. His ability to pick winners is awesome and The Hubs had to work pretty hard to squeak out a win in the league.  This year is my year though, I can just feel it! With a team name like Fighting Fluffypants how could I lose??

All of this is on my mind today because it's the first preseason game for the Ravens, Cameron's binder is ready to go and we are going to the game!!! So short blog today because we've got to get to M&T Bank Stadium to cheer on our team. 

**This is hopefully going to be a re-occuring topic, I would like to share "things that make him happy" and "things that make my life easier" in short but fun blog posts. Who knows, maybe we'll stumble across something that makes your life easier or something that makes you happy as well!!**

My Highway

A few years ago I was trying to explain to my psychologist during my weekly "sanity checks" exactly what it felt like to have two kids with Autism. How do I perceive the past, present and future? I couldn't exactly explain it so instead I told her about the picture I had in my head.

I'm on a highway and it's a relatively sunny day, it's not blindingly bright but its also not rainy either. I can see for miles both in my rear view mirror and ahead of me clearly without squinting. The road is relatively straight, not a lot of curves but a few hills are both ahead and behind me. The car I'm driving feels comfortable, cozy, right... I've chosen this model well. Theres not a lot of traffic on the road with me. But there is something that is missing, something that I didn't notice for miles and miles and miles and now that I do see it, I can't see past it. There are no ramps on this highway. No on ramps, no off ramps. It can make me feel alone even with other cars on the road. It can make me panic knowing that if I run out of gas, there's no place to stop for more. It can make me feel isolated, there is only a cell phone in the car with me. Without technology I would have no way of communication. I can speed up, but where am I going even if I go faster? I can slow down, but what am I delaying? I can stop but that feels like giving up and it is a far worse feeling than just continuing on, even when I don't know what is at the end.  

So some days I'm driving along, my path is set and I've hit cruise control. Even going over a few hills, I'm still making good time. I'm comfortable, content.

Then there are other days, the hills are overwhelming, there aren't any off ramps and I'm very near running out of gas. I don't even know how I got into this road in the first place!

And it feels so unfair.

There are days when I know that I am here to be my boy's mom, that their future lies in my hands. That every win for them is a win for me. Sure I have some hobbies and distractions but ultimately the upcoming IEP is going to be more important than the latest popular fiction novel just released by my favorite author. The state waiver renewal, paying the therapy bills, budgeting for next month and researching trusts and power of attorney is more important than scrapbooking our vacation. Researching supplements, newest clinical research and books written about Autism is more important than getting the ingredients for a new recipe that I would like to try. It has to be, I have to keep moving. Not that I never do those things, they just aren't my priority. They can't be. I can't stop on the highway, there is no progress made in park.

The boys' diagnosis gave me the path, it took my scrambled interests, my desire to learn and all the many many subjects I have majored in college and studied in my free time and gave them a direction. It gave me a voice, it gave me this blog and it gave me you, a reader. You've heard me say that sometimes things are a happy-sad. This is a good-bad.

Am I ever going to write the novel I have planned in my head for a decade? Probably not. Will I ever open that pie shop whose business plan was my final project for my business degrees? Only if it is what my boys wish to do. Will I ever go back to college for my Masters degree? Not likely.

I've always thought that it didn't make sense to complain about something that you weren't willing to change it which is why I couldn't find these words to explain my highway. In my head it sounds like complaining but there is absolutely nothing about this journey that I would change. I love and adore my boys, every day they fill me with pride and strength. They are the fuel that keeps me going even without any gas station exit ramps.

I don't know what is going to happen to my highway, maybe there are some side streets ahead, maybe there are some scenic overlooks worth a stop. I just don't know. Right now it's open road and that is very much a good-bad, happy-sad.