Bedroom Cleaning.... Lunatic Style

This comes from a reader question (LOVE THAT!) How do you get your child to clean his room?

Here is my take on kids' room cleaning... If he doesn't do it then I have to therefore every frustrating baby step I take in the direction towards his independence is one more step towards one less thing I have to do.

With that goal in mind, here are some steps which **may** help get your ASD kid(s) cleaning their room! I'm hoping and wishing right along there with you!!!! You will have to repeat steps again and again, I've taken literally months almost years doing the same step over and over. My fall down is consistency and regularity, maybe you'll be better with that and have results faster!

1. Clean his room with him in there. Don't expect any help but talk about his toys and favorite clothes as you pick them up. If he helped in any way... Big praise! "Thanks SO much for helping me! You made this job so much easier!!!"

2. After that try parallel cleaning, do it together! Pick up a shirt and ask him to pick up a shirt then put them away (or in the hamper) at the same time. Keep talking, "Where do you think this goes?" "Is this clean or dirty?" "Where do we keep the cars again? I forget". Maybe even make a game of it, "I've found a red shirt! Can you find a red shirt?" "I've found Thomas the Tank Engine, can you find Percy?" Be careful here, this could set up an anxiety situation if they can't find what you are suggesting. Maybe only suggest things you can see for yourself. 

3. After that hand over hand, ask him to pick up his things, hand stuff to him if you have to, continue to talk your way though where it goes.

4. Sit on the floor and talk him through doing it himself. At this point, you've already got the dialog, there isn't going to be any new words or requests thrown his way. Nothing unexpected unless you are willing to help, he may find comfort in the routine at this point. It took a while to get through this one for us, we were doing an in-between steps for a while.

5. At last! Just keep him company while he picks it up and helps if he asks. It seems to my boys that one of the main reasons why they don't clean their room (or play by themselves in the basement) is because they don't want to be alone. It isn't that they can't or won't do the task they just don't want to do it alone. 

6. I think the final goal will be for him to clean it himself with a spot check at the end.

All that said, we are near the end of the process with my 9 year old (and it's taken 7 years to get this far) and we are somewhere in the middle for my 7 year old who is more stubborn.

As always, any suggestions you have I can absolutely add! Leave a comment and let me know what works for you! Everything on this page is working documents and I would love to share your ideas!

GOOD LUCK!

HELP! I think my son has Autism, where do I start?

Its sad to say that is a common email or call that I get and always I am happy to help. I would like to take this blog post and turn it into a little mini resource guide for all my friends and friends of friends who have contacted me recently. I fear I have not been able to dedicate as much time as I would like to every response and with these links, I should at least be able to catch up on giving these friends some of the info I have promised. 


First of all, relax, take a deep breath. The common thread I get in email is a sense of panic, very understandable panic. It was in panic 8 years ago that I found myself carting Cameron to preschool 5 days a week, speech 3 days a week, occupational therapy 2 days a week, visiting with the developmental pediatrician once a month (an hour away), making plans to contact a list of neurologists and specialists and buried beneath a stack of Autism books 20 high on my nightstand (and in the bathroom, in my car, my purse, my staircase, my ottoman and oddly enough once in my freezer). Every single person who has contacted me is a very dedicated, level headed and intelligent Mom and I know they will do what is needed eventually, but (please hear this) you don't have to do it ALL RIGHT NOW. 


PRE-DIAGNOSIS- You are worried that something *may* be wrong. Okay, don't fight your mommy gut but also don't jump to "worse case scenario" (Autism). There are many reasons why a child may act they way he/she does and if you are worried please see below:


Talk to you pediatrician. This is the doctor who has the most time with your child, he/she has been watching them grown from infancy to now so they are always a good first contact. The word of your Ped is not the final answer though, I will caution you in that. I was worried about Cameron at his 1 year visit and was completely blown off by our pediatrician. I found a new one and don't regret that decision one second. The ped cannot give you a full diagnosis but they can point you in the right direction for your local area. They've seen this before and will have a host of referrals for you. This may sound like a step you can skip but I think it is an important one because of the referrals, keeping everyone on the same page, having him prepared for any blood work you might have to request and you probably already have an appointment set up anyway since this is the doctor your child sees the most often. Specialists can take 6-8 months to schedule, you can usually see your primary doctor within a month. Use the resource.

Check out the signs of Autism. DO NOT GOOGLE 'AUTISM'!!! I cannot stress this enough, Google will give you some truly horrible sites, please wait to overwhelm yourself with that later on when you can more easily filter out the fact from the crap. Answering no to all of these does not mean your child doesn't have Autism, if you are still concerned contact someone to do an evaluation. Answering yes to all of these also does not mean your child has Autism. It means your child has some symptoms of Autism, a formal evaluation is necessary to determine actual diagnosis. The test most commonly used is the ADOS and is a play based test for very young children and is more visual and question based as the child gets older.

These are the signs of Autism:

No big smiles or other warm, joyful expressions by six months or thereafter

No back-and-forth sharing of sounds, smiles, or other facial expressions by nine months or thereafter

No babbling by 12 months

No back-and-forth gestures, such as pointing, showing, reaching, or waving by 12 months

No words by 16 months

No two-word meaningful phrases (without imitating or repeating) by 24 months

Any loss of speech or babbling or social skills at any age

Contact a State Agency. I think every state has an early intervention resource, in Maryland it is called Infants and Toddlers. ANYONE can contact them for an evaluation, for any concern. Initially I called them for a speech concern and then we went forward with the Autism Evaluation once it became apparent that the speech delay had a cause. Once your child is school age, schools have resources to do evaluations as well. In Maryland it is called Child Find. I, personally, don't put 100% faith in the evaluations done by state agencies but it is a good step in the right direction. As before, you will get able to get in to see them within a short time frame (I think they have to contact you and meet with you within a month-- I will verify that though), a specialist will take far longer. Go ahead an contact both at the same time if you wish.

Consult a specialist for diagnosis/treatment. Typically you start with a Developmental Pediatrician who can give a full evaluation. Additionally you might be able to contact a Neuropsychologist (with a diagnosis, you'll probably meet one anyway). A Speech Language Pathologist might be able to do an evaluation depending on the scope of their education. A Pediatric Psychologist might also be able to do an eval as well. 

I will tell you that our trip on the Autism Highway looks like this:

1. Pediatrician (blown off, waited 6 months)
2. Infants & Todders (Speech Eval)
3. New Pediatrician (who wanted to know why we hadn't already called I&T, we already had)
4. Diagnosis by Psychologist at I&T (given state funded Speech, OT and Classroom instruction)
5. Additional Speech Therapy (private)
6. Second opinion by Developmental Pediatrician (private)
7. Additional OT (private)
8. Third opinion by Developmental Pediatrician (private- highly regarded doctor at the Center for Autism and Related Disorders at Kennedy Kreiger who was an ass but gave us good information). 
9. Child Find (the school had to accept his diagnosis)
10. Special Education PreSchool
11. Behavioral Psychologist (private)
12. Special Program with Inclusive opportunities on grade level class room.  
13. Psychiatrist (medication trials)

So far so good... I'm sure I am leaving something out though. I want to follow this up very very shortly with another blog post, "Great, now we have a diagnosis, NOW what do I do?" In the interim... here are some links for Pre-Diagnosis AND Post-Diagnosis that may be helpful. 

The Signs of Autism- Autism Speaks

http://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/learn-signs

Developmental Milestone by Age- Autism Speaks

http://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/learn-signs/developmental-milestones-age

Aspergers- Autism Speaks

http://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/asperger-syndrome

An AWESOME downloadable 100 day kit, what to do once you have a diagnosis- Autism Speaks

http://www.autismspeaks.org/family-services/tool-kits/100-day-kit

Aspergers Kit downloadable- Autism Speaks

http://www.autismspeaks.org/family-services/tool-kits/asperger-syndrome-and-high-functioning-autism-tool-kit

What is the ADOS- Wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autism_Diagnostic_Observation_Schedule

Maryland Infants and Toddlers Program- Maryland Department of Education

http://www.marylandpublicschools.org/MSDE/divisions/earlyinterv/infant_toddlers

Maryland Infants and Toddlers Contact list by county- Autism Connect MD

http://www.autismconnectmd.org/intervention/infant_toddler.html

Maryland Child Find Contact List-Maryland Dept of Ed.

http://www.mdecgateway.org/olms/data/resource/3459/Child%20Find%20Dir.pdf

C.A.R.D (Center for Autism and Related Disorders)- Kennedy Krieger Institute

http://www.kennedykrieger.org/node/4846

I will put a resource list on the Rantings Facebook page and will add to it periodically. In the interim, keep sending me your questions... I'll either answer them personally or I'll put them in a blog post. A LOT of people have the same questions and I am happy to answer them all. Hang in there, we're all in this together!

Individualized Education Plan: Lunatic Autism Mom

Individualized Education Plan (IEP)
Name: Maggie (aka: Lunatic Autism Mom)
Agency: House on the hill, the one with the weeds in the flower beds.
IEP Team Meeting Date: 08/29/11

Participants: Maggie (mom); Rob (hubbie); Cam (ASD kid #1); Adam (ASD kid #2)

Eligibility: C-Section 2001 & 2004; ASD Diagnosis 2004 & 2007

Primary Disability: Autism Induced Lunacy (AIL)

Supplementary Aids, Services, Supports: Medication as prescribed, Weekly Sanity Checks with a professional, Spousal Support, YMCA, Husband's Salary.

GOALS & OBJECTIVES:

Goal #1
The Lunatic Autism Mom will keep everything in the calendar most at her disposal (phone) and will synch it to the household electronic calendar at least weekly.
by: 9/1/11
Resources to help meet this goal: This will be coordinated through the support of helpful hubby in ensuring that the technology "talks" to one another and by keeping the phone at hand at all times.
**This goal is 99% completed**

Goal #2 
The Lunatic Autism Mom will stay home one full day per week with the exception of driving the kids to and from school, no exceptions will be made for any reason.
by: 10/1/11
Resources to help meet this goal: Lunatic Autism Mom will chose one day per week, prior to that week, and will schedule that as her HOME day. She will not brush her hair, will wear sweats or pjs to school drop off and will, in general, be too embarassed at her attire and appearance to step foot out of her car. This day can be spent accomplishing long over-due tasks (painting), catching up on housework (laundry) or allowing herself to be sick when the fever is over 99.9 degrees (sleep).
**Week 1 HOME day is currently scheduled!**

Goal #3
The Lunatic Autism Mom needs more energy and needs to get in shape.
by: 9/1/11
Resources to help meet this goal: Lunatic Autism Mom has hired a trainer to literally kick her ass into shape. She will meet with said trainer 2 times per week for a minimum of 10 sessions with the option to increase her sessions to 20. She will not stress over the cost of this trainer and will not cry at the assessment appointment since"you have to start somewhere".
**Assessment this Thursday, please pray for me.**

Goal #4
The Lunatic Autism Mom will schedule fun and relaxing things during school hours at a minimum of one per week.
by: 9/1/11
Resources to help meet this goal: The primary resource will be wonderfully supportive and caring hubby's paycheck. Occasional weeks might allow for a 1 hour relaxation massage and other weeks might allow for a guilt free hour of silence at the local library. In between, the Lunatic Autism Mom will try not to skip hair cuts and will not allow her gray roots to grow to obviousness (as they are now). The Lunatic Autism Mom will "put her money where her mouth is" and take care of everyone in her family including herself.
**Seriously, I am 35 and have a full head of gray hair. I've been dying it since I was 16, bad genes I guess. How does one acquire that casual, classic, youthful, silver gray bob that looks so good on the models in JJill and Lands End Catalog? I would totally consider letting it go if I knew I could look like that in the end!**

Goal #5 (the final goal)
The Lunatic Autism Mom would like to learn something new this year. Something new could be kayaking, a foreign language, standing board paddling, snowboarding/skiing or visiting local museums for general knowledge.
by: the end of the school year
Resources to help meet this goal: the entire Smithsonian, various lakes and the Chesapeake Bay, the local library, Liberty Mountain and the kindness and support of handsome hubby to chillax with the boys during the hours that learning this new skill cannot be accomplished during school hours.
** Yeah like I need another hobby, I'm a big time crafter but I want to learn something not crafty, more active and something that I could eventually share with my boys once I understand the mechanics myself. **

Assessment report due: 01/01/12

In the immortal words of a person who never existed (and didn't fully understand correct grammar):

DO OR DO NOT, THERE IS NO TRY.
-Yoda

Long time... no post... Lets talk cars!

Today I am running errands with my two boys and they HATE running errands with a hot a burning passion. I notice my TPMS light has come on again (tire pressure monitoring system) and this leads me to a very lengthy and quite topsy turvy all together curvy thought process about vehicles and why we drive what we do.

I have a minivan, I know shocked right? Mother of two Autistic boys and I drive a minivan. Do I like my van? Yes. Do I like driving my van? Heck no! It's a van! Quite arguably the most convenient yet boring vehicle on the planet!  But here's the thing, it's a Honda Odyssey and if you have to drive a minivan this is totally the way to go! It's a great van, very roomy, very convenient and the perfect accompaniment to the insane life of an Autism Mom. For example the TPMS light, it is telling me that my tire is low on air. Thank you TMPS light, I never ever think to check the air pressure and usually rely on my oil change place to do it for me. Speaking of which, there's a light for that too! Right now that light is telling me that it's almost time for an oil change which I am totally going to put off until school starts back up again. I absolutely cannot forget about the Variable Engine, I drive ridiculous mileage (122,215 miles to date) and when I am driving on the highway the engine will cut back to 3 cylinders to save on gas. This is a much needed and very appreciated feature.

I file all of this under the heading, "will save your sanity" but as I bought this van in 2008 it is still lacking in more sanity saving features, the first being bluetooth. I've had to add a Jabbra bluetooth speaker to the van to compensate. The month AFTER my van was built, they added bluetooth. Drat! The next model year they added power jacks to the second row of seats... I would KILL for power jacks to fuel the boys DS systems! Lastly, I hear rumors that some radios actually act like MP3 players. My friend, Andrew just bought a total bachelor car that does this and I WANT!!!! Not that the 6-CD changer isn't great and all but to only have to deal with the CD once and then never again? Heaven.

I traveled to the beach this weekend with the family, I drove and changed CDs, I drove and plugged and unplugged power cables, I drove and watched the TPMS light come on, I drove and I drove and I am starting to think that the type of car you have isn't as important as what features it offers. I think there may come a day where the final straw to push me right into insanity might just fall within the doors and wheels of my vehicle. I'm guessing I will be attempting to change a CD, plug in a power cable and my phone is going to ring at the same time as I am running late for an appointment with a specialist in Baltimore. It's just a guess but I think it's a pretty sure bet.

Just in case you are wondering... yes, I have a Minivan Step-Down Plan. After two Honda Odyssey vans I feel I have put in my mini-van driving time but to go to a car (even a big one) would be a shock to the system. In between there should be something van-like but not actually a van... in my dreams I see this:

Thoughts on a Summer Vacation... so far.

Distant are the memories of lazy summer days of my youth where I spent every waking second in the sun making a mess and creating havoc. Now the lazy days of summer don't exist for I am the Lunatic Autism Mom and the schedule is full and the to-do list is growing. BUT! Within the chaos we strive to find fun... even if it has to be scheduled in between everything else and written down (in ink) so that it is not forgotten.

We are now on week two of summer vacation, we've had some pretty good successes and some pretty awesome fights and meltdowns. Truly truly inspired meltdowns, seriously. But to focus on the bad while the sun is shining so bright and the house is (at this exact moment in time) quiet would be a waste. I shall save those for the lonely, rainy, altogether cruddy evenings.

This summer has brought about something rare and precious... FREE TIME! Of course it is squeezed in between some really really not free time but it has been nice to be able to do some of the things we WANT to do instead of all the things we HAVE to do. The house is trashed but at this point, who cares! Memories are being made! I'll worry about the house tomorrow.

Probably the newest and most significant thing we've done this year is camp. Not just any camp but a morning day camp with typical peers! This was spawned by my obsessive desire to provide socialization to the boys outside of a specialized program. It seems as though we have taken Special Needs Social Skills and used it as a means to learn new and bad behaviors, as well as share our own bad behaviors with other socially susceptible peers. I'm starting to think that this may be the biggest weakness with Social Skills classes as a whole, they do teach socialization but they do so within a very specific group which is not at all representative of the world at large. Alas, that is a rant for another day.

Cameron (my 9 year old) chose Kids take over the Kitchen at our local Kids on Campus program at the Community College. It was a WONDERFUL experience. He had some difficulties but I was able to send an aide with him from our Maryland Autism Waiver provider. He had a great week and is already asking to take more camp classes-- YAY! Lucky for me they are offered all the time and not just in the summer.

Adam (my 5 year old) chose two Lego Class sessions in the same program. He does not have an aide and does not have the waiver so I was really really stressed about sending him to the camp. The staff has been AMAZING with him, keeping an extra eye on him to make sure he doesn't wander and they keep the door closed so he doesn't pull off an escape. Also, it's freaking LEGOS! The kid is in heaven.

I scheduled these camps on opposite weeks so that I could have one week with just Adam all to myself and then the next week with just Cameron all to myself. We made plans for the week and have enjoyed going out for breakfast, running some errands and going to the library. I hope I will be able to schedule it this way every year, I have loved spending the one on one time with the boys!

A special Thank You is required for Mythbusters this summer. It is thanks to their recent episode, Running on Water, that I am able to give you this clip of my boys at the community pool trying themselves to "run on water". I give them full points for trying....

A rainy day and an extreme desire to do something crafty has altered my hallway! This is a picture of the newest addition to the house... a hopscotch board. This hallway is Cameron's pacing hall and it is often that we see him getting stuck in a loop in this hall. It is my hope that this old school game will slow Cameron down, break his loop or at the very least help with those important gross motor skills.

Coming up we've got another week of Lego Camp for Adam, Extended School Year for Cameron, a trip to the beach (thanks to Daddy's work travel, we're doing a tagalong), and a Tonsillectomy for Adam to round out the summer. Lots going on... never a dull moment.

So like those long, hot summers of past, the pool is still cool, the sun is still bright, the days feel endless and the possibilities unbounded. Don't forget the SPF and have an awesome summer!

Craft Alert! Make 10

Imagine my shock this year when I attended my youngest son's Annual IEP only to find that he is barely on grade level for math! WHAT???? This was the first I was hearing of it and I was more than a little bit pissed. So.... what does this mean for a Lunatic Autism Mom? It means a working summer for Adam (and for mommy). The first concept he is having difficulties with is Making 10. I've been doing it for so long and it's so second nature to me that I didn't really know how to go about practicing Making 10 this summer. I wanted something more fun than flash cards (although I am not opposed) and I wanted to limit screen time with Math iPad Apps (although I am not opposed) and here is what I came up with for my Lego loving boy:

LEGO MAKE 10

and here is how you make it:

Start with extra  Legos (I decided to use Duplo because we don't play with them anymore) & a label maker.

Print out all the numbers you need to make 10 and a bunch of '+' symbols. Don't forget to make a label for your goal (Equation Goal: Make 10)

Put them on the blocks (trim if necessary).

Stack 'em up to make sure you haven't forgotten any.

And you are ready to go! Don't forget storage! 

I think I will do this again and again to get some good practice in for those more difficult math concepts. I am also trying to figure out if I can use different size Legos to represent fractions. 

Are we ready for summer?

Anyone else feeling the stress that comes with the end of the school year? Are you out already? 

We are officially on one week count down in my house. The boys are excited and I am stressed! We started off this week with a book fair at school complete with carnival. One boy was quite pissed that we could not attend, one boy was quite pleased that he didn't have to go. I dislike the 50/50 split immensely. We will cap off the week with the end of year award ceremony! All the kids get an award so arrive when your class is scheduled, pick a comfortable seat, and get ready for a long and hot afternoon. 

End of year brings end of year teacher gifts! I love love love to give our teachers gifts. My boys are not easy students and our teachers this year were exceptional. When I added up everyone who helps the boys through-out the day (every day), I came up with **15** teachers and **5** assistants/specials teacher! YIKES!!!!  I guess I better get busy on those personalized clip boards. Don't worry, I promise to post pictures. 

End of year also bring IEPs! For Adam we have had two so far, his annual in which we requested "additional adult support" and a second IEP to evaluate the data to determine if he qualified for "additional adult support". I am a firm believer in data and it showed that Adam needed redirection more than 320 times in 9 days (that may look like a typo, but it isn't) which makes me wonder how he made it through this year at all and why this problem hasn't been noticed sooner. I have ALWAYS said that it is my higher functioning ASD child who is going to slip through the cracks, this is evidence and I will need to be more vigilant from now on. We will have another meeting this summer after they have evaluated staffing which sounds like they are putting me off and I think they totally are. Those meetings were exhausting so I don't mind taking a few weeks to regroup before we go back to the table. 

Cameron's IEP is next week. This entire year we've been doing the medication trials and now its time to re-evaluate how the year has gone as a whole instead of weekly and monthly snapshots. I was surprised to see just how much Cameron is expressing an interest in being included in the "typical" classroom when in the past he has preferred the extra attention by the teacher and didn't really give a fig about the other kids. I think he is starting to notice girls *sigh*. Not a lot of special needs girls given that ASD is taking over the program and the incidence rate of boys with ASD far outnumbers the girls. I am hoping that we can find some new inclusion opportunities going in to next year at this IEP meeting. He currently is only included in Math (his strongest subject) and some Specials classes. 

Awards Ceremonies.... IEPs..... end of year chaos... Are we ready for summer??

There are big pros and cons to the summer months. How awesome it is to be able to stay in jammies until mid-morning (or later) because you have no place to be? That, for me, is the best part of summer, we can relax that morning schedule for a bit. We've got some inclusive camps coming up, Extended School Year will fill up half the day Mon-Thurs in July, we're going ahead with RDI and we'll be keeping up with all our specialist appointments PLUS Adam has to have his tonsils and adenoids out and we are hoping to take a family vacation. How it is again that I thought summer was ever relaxing? On the bright side, I should be home more so I can blog more! If you have any ideas and requests please let me know! I've got partially completed posts on the topics of IEPs (survival of the fittest or the loudest?) and Autism Crafts (a sub-genre of itself in my home!).  See you at the pool! Don't forget the SPF 1,000!