I've Reached A Parenting Milestone!!

Picture of the cookies I just baked.  (Photo credit: Me)

Yesterday I let my kids eat cookie dough. 

Yes, you read that right. I have finally gotten to the point where I determined that their 12 & 9 year old bodies can handle raw dough. Yes, I feel ridiculous at how long it has taken me to get to this point.

Now, in no way shape or form do I condone the use of cookie dough either for medicinal or recreational use. Consuming cookie dough is a slippery slope into much harder doughs like cake, muffin and brownie batter which I absolutely do not condone. (But freaking YUM, amIright??)


Here's how it all went down. I found what I now call the "Magical Cookie Dough". It is not magical because it doesn't contain eggs (it does), it's magical because you make the batter, form it into balls, stick it in the fridge, then bake them cold after smooshing them a bit. This hits ALL my "perfect Mommy" buttons because:

1. I am making them from scratch so I can control the ingredients, use organic when I have it and if I want to and keep out all the stuff that I'm constantly trying (and often failing) to control. 

2. I get to have that "perfect Mommy" moment when the kids get home and I get to say, "who wants fresh cookies still warm from the oven?" Of course I'm singing it and my voice is perfect because hey, thats how I roll.  

So in my mind we're sitting around this perfectly clean and tidy kitchen and enjoying our afternoon snack, and it totally would have been clean and tidy if I had not just mixed cookies hours before and then life got in the way but whatever... we're sitting around the table and I take my first bite of the Magical Cookie which has allowed me to live out this perfect Mommy fantasy and I say, "ugh! The dough was better!"

And it was, it has cream cheese, butter (organic of course), more brown sugar than white sugar, extra vanilla and of course the aforementioned eggs, the dough was delicious. Then I hear...

(*gasp*) "You ate the dough?? I want the dough!" Thank you, Adam for catching that and everything else I say that I shouldn't. Eating dough in our house was strictly verboten and in the past I had to sneak my love for cookie dough into the pantry, the laundry room or even the garage.

It was then that I realized that my boys are NINE and TWELVE! By the time I was 12 I would make brownie batter with absolutely no intention of baking it at all, I was mixing and measuring only so that I could eat the batter. Of course after a few spoonfuls my stomach would start hurting and I would bake off the rest because it really is a sin to let good dough go to waste. So it was completely ridiculous that I was keeping the boys from the great wonderfulness that is cookie dough.

I had only baked one cookie sheet of the dough balls from the fridge so there were still a lot left over, I got out three cookie balls and gave each of us one. I did the prudent parent thing of telling them that the ingredients in the dough were raw and it is not a good idea to eat some raw foods but just this once they could try the dough.

We all agreed that the dough is indeed better than the cookies and that I would continue to bake a few more sheets because you can't take raw cookie dough to school in your lunchbox. With the added bonus that I got to have another perfect Mommy moment when I included two homemade chocolate chip cookies in each box this morning.

So thats the parenting milestone I've reached this week. I feel it is pretty monumental. Maybe not as monumental as when I let The Hubs take the boys (BY HIMSELF) to visit my in-laws on their uncleared retirement property in New York that has no running water, no sewer and no electricity. I was pretty much convinced that the boys would come home broken in some way shape or form, but they didn't.

I patted myself on the back for not freaking the hell out that weekend and today because sometimes being the Perfect Mommy isn't about controlling everything that goes into their mouth, sometimes it's about letting them eat the dough and then hiding the rest in the back of the fridge in an empty container that used to contain non-fat, sugar free, unflavored yogurt because there's no way I am sharing my stash!


PS: The Magical Cookie Dough recipe is actually Softbatch Cream Cheese Chocolate Chip Cookies from blog Averie Cooks, which I found through Pinterest. Recipe HERE.

My Not Very Popular Opinion

This is my thoughts on full inclusion programs.

This has been something on my mind for a while and I hesitated to write about it because it goes against the current "norm" of the public school system model.  This became of great interest to me last year when I was looking for a middle school program for my 11 (now 12) year old. I wanted to look at each school, how it organized, how they handled inclusion and what types of supports were available in the middle grades.

I set out to learn all I could about special education in the middle school setting, charter programs, magnet schools, non-public placements and private schools (expensive!!!). I looked in my county, other counties around ours and even other states. I found a lot of information including accommodations, modifications and ideas for transitioning into Middle School but also I found instances of continued segregation (Washington Post) and how charter schools may be contributing both to continued segregation and reducing funds available to special needs students (Huffington Post & Aljazeera).

So then I took the information I collected and applied it to MY situation and MY boys and what are OUR options? How does all this good, bad and ugly apply to Autism, ADHD, Aspergers?

For example this article tells us that charter programs cannot turn away a special needs child but that they often aren't equipped to handle them therefore the majority of the time special needs students remain in the public school setting. And it was then that doors started closing and I started to get mad.

Charter Schools do not receive all of their operating costs from the school system budget but they receive a large amount. Magnet Schools (gifted and talented programs) housed within the school system do receive all the operating costs from the school system budget. BOTH of these programs are closed to kids like mine, one isn't equipped to handle their needs and for the other, my kids don't qualify. Which means mine are excluded.

So I went looking for the specialized program that will meet their needs and found NONE.

In a school system that has two charter schools and a magnet program, they have NO program to meet the needs of a high functioning special needs population. In many cases high functioning special needs students cannot always be included in the typical public class setting, large class sizes, constant changes in routines, massive amounts of distractions and stimuli make it almost impossible for them to learn. These kids (MY kids) cannot learn in a standard class setting but many are at grade level and diploma bound.  For them it is a constant challenge just to exist within a typical class setting, much less access the education they are promised.

Can the kids in the charter schools and magnet programs learn in a standard class setting?

Yes.

School districts are allocating funds to teach kids in a specialized setting because they won the charter lottery or because they are super smart but there are no specialized programs for my child who cannot learn in a regular classroom setting. Why does "least restrictive environment" not apply to them but it is the ruling fist of law that special needs parents need abide?

So there, I've spoken out against Charter Schools and Magnet Programs but here's the kicker, I'm NOT OPPOSED to those programs. I have friends who have kids in the charter schools and in the magnet program and I am very happy that their kids have that opportunity.  I am not opposed to the parent who wants the very best education for their child, I want the same for mine as well. I just cannot understand how a school system can create specialized programs for kids who are fully capable of functioning within a typical class setting and yet completely and wholly dismiss the needs of the kids who cannot.

*********************************************************************************
As an aside I would like to speak about segregation which is something that I just cannot abide. I am saddened by the research I found that it is worse now than 40 years ago. This both hurts and infuriates me. I read a quote where someone suggested that all schools within the same county (city or district) are fundamentally the same which begs the question, if they are all the same, why not let families chose the school they want? I think then you will find very quickly that there are schools who have better teachers, better resources, more money. When 90% of the school age population asks to attend one school, you have to wonder why....

Lunatic Autism Mom Reviews The Numbers League Game

It's no secret that my 9 year old is struggling with math and we are struggling right along there with him.  This has resulted in full Neuropsychological testing and subsequent evaluation for Dyscalculia in which we were found "borderline".  Basically there is a misunderstanding with the building blocks of math which makes even simple math concepts incredibly difficult.

Currently we are working with the school to look for interventions, at home we do extra work with current curriculum and do additional practice on the basics and facts.  We are constantly looking for fun ways to bring math into real life opportunities as much as possible. We practice money by keeping a check register of gifts and the occasional pay day for chores (I could do a whole post just on chores and payday!), we practice fractions with cooking and we practice measurements with cooking as well. What can I say? I like to bake!!

Another way to try and bring in more math practice is games. For Adam, those simple math games just couldn't break through the ADHD and keep his interest so we went in search of a new game and found Numbers League by Bent Castle Workshops.

LINK TO THE NUMBERS LEAGUE WEBSITE

I love boardgames and consider myself somewhat of a connoisseur and I think this game is really fun! More importantly it holds Adam's attention and he gets to practice his math skills. 

How to play: There are at least two levels of play with this game and so far we have only played the basic level. You lay out the Villain cards in the middle of the table and then you build Heroes to capture the Villains. Each piece of the Hero (legs, body and head) has a number value and added together equals the strength of the Hero. Match the Hero strength to the number on the Villain and you have captured the Villain! If you don't have enough strength, never fear, you can also use a weapon or tool to boost your strength AND band together Heroes to capture the Villain together.  Once all the Villains are captured the game ends and the person with the highest score wins (by this point we are pretty tired of adding numbers so sometimes we determine the winner to be the person who captures the most villains).  

This is a picture of my game pieces. I had *8* Heroes so we added post-it tabs to help us keep track of our Hero totals. When adding up 3 or 4 Heroes to capture a 22 point Villain this really helps! Above my Heroes are the Villains I had captured and the deck to the left was the draw deck.  Another thing I think is fun about this game is the names of the Heroes, each card contains a piece of the name and when you build your Hero you will determine his or her full name.  Here you see (L-R) Wise Winged Wonder, Ancient Yellow Quarrel and Frigid Twisty Paladin.  

The basic game uses addition, the next level has some subtraction and even multiplication cards as well. Expansion packs are available so you can keep vanquishing Villains with your Numbers League!! 

We've played this game a few times, in that time has he learned a ton of math skills? Not really BUT he is practicing addition for an hour or more! I'd like to see a worksheet make that happen.  Adam loves to build the heroes and even if we don't have time for a full game or if he can't find an opponent he still loves to build the Hero and determine his/her strength. Its a super fun game by itself and the fact that you practice math is just a bonus.  I give it the Lunatic Autism Mom seal of approval!!  

**Edited to add... I purchased this game after finding it online quite by accident. I did not receive it from Bent Castle and I am not being paid to review it. That would be an AWESOME career though!!**

UPDATE! Anxiety, Meds, the Dentist and My Son is Awesome!!

A timeline:

3:10 Pick up from school, we drive home and he is already worried about his dentist appointment. He picks fights with me about things unrelated but I can see through to his anxiety.

3:30 We've arrived home and had a snack (muffin) and a drink (juice) and its time to take the medication. I explained that it will make the appointment easier and he won't be as afraid of the dentist this time.

4:00 We arrive for our 4:10 appointment. He sits in the only corner with only one chair so that no one else can sit next to him (this is normal) and we wait. He is acting goofy and a little hyper and I'm worried.

4:30 I'm super annoyed because they know sitting in the waiting room can increase his anxiety but at this point he has moved past the hyper and is staring at the TV (Phineas & Ferb, naturally) and tapping a Skylander icon on the iPad that makes a noise.

4:35 We go back and he gets a little anxious but he is a bit lethargic as well so he sits in the dentist chair without me asking!! The dentist comes in, this is our normal dentist and he is AMAZING with my 9 year old, they make a deal... Show & Tell before anything which is to show us what he is going to use and tell us what he is going to do with it and why.

In this appointment they brushed his teeth, counted and looked for any issues and polished his teeth with the toothbrush and the tooth polish (not the electric spin brush thing). We did not do a fluoride treatment, when the dentist said it Adam freaked so we skipped it. This is probably because a past dentist got really annoyed with us and Adam's refusal to let them put it on his teeth. He will never forget that.

5:05 We were outta there and on our way to get drive though for dinner, Adam's choice for being SUPER AWESOME!! (And necessary because my garbage disposal died last night and at last check The Hubs had the kitchen torn apart)

We're home now, dinner has been eaten and Adam is on his earned computer time to round out the evening. He is a little spacey still and will probably (hopefully!) sleep really well tonight.

Today is a good day. 

Anxiety, Medication and the Dentist

Today is attempt three at getting a dental exam for my 9 year old, attempt THREE. Last year he was able to open his mouth enough so that the dentist could see two cavities, this was enough to qualify for sedation dentistry where one cavity was filled, one baby tooth was extracted, he received a full cleaning and a full set of X-rays. Pre-Op proved more traumatic than Post-Op and we considered this a success (with the qualification that there were no other options and given that, it turned out okay).

Fast forward six months and its time for another check-up. Full meltdown. He sat in the chair very briefly and put his head back and we left it at that. Second attempt went a little better, he opened his mouth and let the doctor look but it took 45 minutes, lots of screaming and calming and screaming again. The roller coaster left us both exhausted.

There's no question his anxiety is getting worse over time. We are working on it with a behavioral psychologist. From what I can tell, known issues are worse than un-known ones. He is curious enough to want to try something once, even if it is cautiously. It's the follow-up and repeat instance where he knows enough to make it bigger, more stressful, scarier in his mind. Its fighting against a known fear which, even exaggerated, is extremely difficult.

Tell me to stop being afraid of spiders. Tell me to stop worrying about things I cannot control.

Stop being afraid of spiders (or earthquakes or the vastness of outer space). 

Nope, can't do it. It would be easier to stop breathing.

So this is what I have, the tools at my disposal, going in to the dentist office:

• me
• my voice
• unconditional love
• noise canceling headphones
• a sleep mask that looks like robot eyes
• a dentist I like and trust
• medical and dental insurance
• unconditional love (its worth repeating)

And a new tool that has been added is a prescription in his name for 2mg extended release of Xanax. 

Believe me when I tell you that there is no part of my brain, heart and body that wants to give him this pill but as much as I do not want to, more powerful is the desire to help him in his fight against his fear and his anxiety. 

If you are a parent of a child with anxiety, irrational fears and Autism, I have no doubt that you have had to do a safe restraint on your child to complete an important blood draw or so that the doctor could complete an exam to identify an ear infection or strep throat. I know that you closed your eyes and willed the doctor or phlebotomist to hurry, to finish before you lost strength yourself. Because you know that you can only hold your thrashing and screaming child for so long, you can only hear them yell "PLEASE!!! STOP!!!" for just a second more before your own heart will shatter and you will let go. But you know, you hold tight because it will be over faster if you do, your child will be safer if you are the one doing it, you will stay just outside yourself long enough to get it done and then you will kneel before your baby and hold him, kiss away his tears, tell him you had no choice, apologize again and again, tell him that you love him and you are proud of him. You will snarl at anyone to tries to separate you before you are both calm enough to go back into the world. 

Then you will call your doctor and beg them for something to help your child cope with situations like this and you will receive a prescription for Xanax and you will be terrified to give it to him but you will be more terrified to not. As Mom there is no pain, worry or hurt I wouldn't put upon myself to help my child. Today I am adding a new tool to my toolbox, I'm going to try and take his anxiety and fear burden and add it to my own fear and anxiety of the appointment and my fear and anxiety of giving him Xanax. It is my most fervent wish that it helps him, that the appointment goes quickly so that we can put it behind us and grow from the experience. Maybe over time and with enough positive experiences, the Xanax will no longer be necessary. That will be a very good day indeed.   

Always know that these decisions should not be taken lightly and with much consideration by both you and your doctor. It is illegal to give your child medication that is not prescribed to him/her by a licensed practitioner, doing so can put your child's life at risk. 

An Idea That Saved My Sanity

I certainly don't take my sanity lightly, especially when it seems to be slipping away so frequently (admittedly *I* am usually the root cause, not my boys).  Back to school this year brought about an idea born out of sanity necessity:

How do I wake my child up at 5am for school in a way where he won't freak out with a loud alarm?

Reading through out the years suggests that its easier on the body and mind to wake up slowly, becoming aware of the light coming through the window is a way to do that. Just like in the good old days!!

Being the frugal person  I am  I try to be, I knew that the $99-150 light alarms weren't going to happen for us, (if you are interested see here or here)  so I set about finding our own solution for less $$$.

For this project I knew I wanted:

• The light to turn on sometime between 4:55 am and 5:05 am and stay on until he left on the bus at 6:00am,
• A soft light without an exposed bulb.
• Mounted above his headboard to as close as I could get it.
• While we're at it, lets have the light come on at the start of the bedtime routine at 8:00pm and have it shut off automatically at bedtime (8:30pm). 
• I didn't want to spend more than $30.

Really all I needed was a digital timer and a lamp!! 

The timer was the easy part although we tried an old fashioned Christmas tree light type timer first and it wasn't as accurate as we wanted, switching to digital was the solution. What we got was something very similar to this: 

The On/Off button has proved to be most helpful for days like today when we have a SNOW DAY!! (I didn't even think of that when we were searching for timers). These run between $10-20... Check your after Christmas sales now since they are mostly used for setting Christmas tree lights. 

Next up: A Lamp! Ikea to the rescue!! Long ago Ikea became my go-to for many of my zany ideas and this time they had *exactly* what I needed! 

I'm sad to report that this model is no longer available according to their website (but I've seen some on ebay), I loved it because the bulb was enclosed, it was wall mountable and the "canister" spun so I could use it as an uplight on really dark mornings when only a little light was needed or a downlight on mornings when the sun rises early and a little extra is necessary.  It's a soft light and not jarring in any way. 

You might not be able to find that exact light but never fear! There are more lights that I think will work just as well: 

This one is a great price at $8.99 but has an exposed bulb, a problem we had planned on solving by facing the light towards another wall or the ceiling. 

This one is pretty and will run you $20 but it's glass so beware if you have an ahem impulsive child like mine ;)

If table lamps work best for you, there are great options too:

This one is paper and costs $6.99

This one is plastic and costs $4.99, these were the first lamps we put in the boys rooms when they were toddlers because they couldn't touch the bulb unless they took apart the lamp first :)

Or maybe this is the perfect time to try out one of these in your decor. I've always liked them but never had a good spot for one! The shade is $4.99, the cord set to run it from the plug up to the ceiling is $5. 

Or in COLORS! ($4.99 for the shade, $5 for the cord set)

Obviously, I've had a lot of fun with the project. In the end it was because it WORKED that made it so much fun.  Each morning his lamp turns on at 5am and although it is not enough to wake him up fully, it is enough to start waking him up without that jarring alarm sound. Once he is out of that deep sleep, just moving around in his room or giving him a hug finishes waking him up and asking about what he wants for breakfast gets him out of bed and talking. The light turns itself off at 6am which is the time we are usually outside waiting for the bus. 

At the end of the day, the light turns itself back on at 7:00pm and shuts off at 8:30pm which has completely stopped any complaining or fussing about not wanting to go to bed or "but I was reading" pleas.  

This has truly saved my sanity, in addition to helping my 12 year old wake up and go to bed it also has the added benefit of being silent so it doesn't also wake up my 9 year old who has a wake up time of 7:00am, not 5:00am.  

Autism chic? Autism decor? Autism crafts? Whatever you want to call it, when I find something that helps I want to share it with everyone! Maybe it will save your sanity as well :)  

PS- I searched for lamps on Ikea's website but obviously they aren't the only place to go for inexpensive lamp styles! I would shop and compare prices on Amazon and Overstock as well.

ELF! Eyes Off My Child!

The Elf is on the shelf... NO! Not at my house, that thing is danged creepy! The Elf sits on the shelf in my son's 4th grade class.  This has created a host of issues.

About a week ago my 9 year old gets in the car and our conversation goes thusly:

Adam: Mom, there are some kids who have Elves in their house. 
Me: I've heard about that, what kind of Elves do they have? (already knowing the answer)
Adam: They are Elves that sit on shelves.
Me: What do you think about that?
Adam: I don't want that, promise me you won't buy any Elves to watch me. 
Me: Do you need someone watching you to make sure you are good?
Adam: No, you watch over me good. Those Elves freak me out, I don't want anything in the house that only comes to life while we are sleeping. Promise me, no Elves.
Me: I promise you there will be no Elves on shelves in our house. There may be some elves in some of our decorations but I assure you they are just decoration, like a figurine.
Adam: So it's like the cookie decorations, they look like cookies but they aren't cookies at all?
Me: Yes, exactly like that.

Then last Friday he comes home to tell me that he could not focus at school, he didn't learn anything. (We do daily discussions on focus because we are trying NeuroFeedback to help) I asked him why and he said that the Elf was watching him all day. He went on to explain that he needed to watch the Elf just in case he moved. He explained how the Elf reports to Santa and that he sometimes does naughty things in the night but he doesn't get in trouble for it.

Okay, lets deal with ALL that is wrong in that conversation one at a time starting with: WHY is there an Elf in the classroom?

In a time where Halloween parties are now Harvest Parties and Christmas parties are Holiday parties it seems to me that the idea of an Elf that reports back to Santa would fall under that umbrella. There are people in the world who do not celebrate Christmas, people who do not teach their kids about Santa Claus. I agree that the idea of Santa is now pretty far removed from any religious denomination these days but it does set up one of those "slippery slope" situations.

So first off, I was surprised that it was allowed in the classroom, not that it is directly applicable to the situation I have at hand though. My 9 year old has Autism, ADHD and Anxiety Disorder. The Elf is pretty much a combination of his worst nightmares. Not only is this thing 1) watching him 2) making note of him being "bad" and 3) reporting back to Santa he is also (and most importantly) 4) coming to life at only at night. We have had long discussions about figurines and transformers not being alive and not moving about the house at night and therefore cannot "get" him while he sleeps. We see a Behavioral Psychologist for this and this Elf has set us back.

So basically, my son is afraid of the Elf and cannot pay attention and focus while the Elf is present. He told the teacher he didn't like the Elf. It didn't help. He is currently behind grade level for most subjects and cannot afford to lose 2 weeks of instruction time for an Elf.

Additionally, his school is a PBIS School. Want to know what that is? PBIS.org

The school will focus on three to five behavioral expectations that are positively stated and easy to remember. In other words, rather than telling students what not to do, the school will focus on the preferred behaviors. Here are some examples from other schools:

• Respect Yourself, Respect Others, and Respect Property
• Be Safe, Be Responsible, Be Respectful
• Respect Relationships and Respect Responsibilities

We learned Positive Behavior Reinforcement a looooooong time ago, it is drilled into my brain. Catch your child being good!  Praise! Praise! Praise! Be consistent with rules. Be predictable. Be timely. The Elf monitors behavior, thats it's job. But instead of reporting to Santa the "good" stuff, he is reporting the "bad" and in doing so is in direct conflict with the school's own behavior plan and goals.

So my plan was to march into the school and remind them of the above reasons and demand, like the Scrooge I am, that the Elves on shelves be removed immediately!!

But I did not.

That isn't to say that I won't but I haven't.

This is an unfortunate situation where I am reminded once again that the entire world cannot change to meet the needs of my child. I advocate, I spread awareness but most importantly my job is to prepare my child for the world, not the other way around. Luckily, we had 2 snow days and we talked about the Elf and we didn't talk about the Elf and we tried to make peace with then Elf. In the end there is a price to be paid for this, as there is a price to be paid for almost every concession made.

The price we paid was one piece of holiday magic. For him to not be afraid I told him the Elf was fake. It did not come alive, it does not talk to Santa. I showed him websites of parents who plan their Elf on the Shelf activities to prove to him that the doll does not move around in the night time.  I told him this was an "Adult Secret" and that I trusted him to keep the secret so that his friends may still participate in the Elf stuff.

Did it help? I think he still wants to believe in the magic, he will tell me what the Elf has done that day, last week he was mad because the Elf messed with his "girlfriend's" desk (thats a whole other topic!). He has mentioned a few times that he wish the Elf would not watch him and that he will be mad if the Elf messes with his stuff.  (I pity the teacher who tries that one!) Is the issue resolved? No. Is it fixed? No. Is it being handled? Yes, to the best of my ability. I talk with him about the Elf as much as he wants and we handle each issue one at a time. He has missed instruction time and I don't love the Elf but since we have a pretty big IEP meeting on Wednesday, I'm going to save my fighting for that time. (And I'm pretty sure it's going to get ugly!)  The last day of school is Friday and the elf will be no more and I will cheer!

And now a story and picture. Here is Adam visiting with Santa at The Kennedy Krieger Festival of Trees, thankfully they had special hours for patients and students so we were able to attend without the massive crowds. Initially both boys said that they didn't want to visit Santa then when we were almost done Adam tells me that he did not want to tell Santa what he wanted for Christmas, he merely had a question.  So we got into a short line and watched as other children sat on Santa's lap and told him their wish list. I frantically gestured to my husband to be ready with the camera to capture this moment (I don't have any pictures of my kids with Santa, they have NEVER wanted to do it).

Adam was ready to go, he stepped right up and stood about 3 feet away from Santa and would not go any further. He put his hands out and asked his question, "Santa, have I been naughty or nice?". Santa assured him that he had been nice while looking past Adam to me with obvious confusion. Adam said, "Thank You" and walked away. Had I given it 2 minutes of thought, I could have probably guessed this was how the interaction would go. It was just so Adam and so perfect and made my entire day.

So... as our Christmas cards say, "No matter how many tries it takes... Have a wonderful holiday!"