I didn't even realize I was stressed out today. I mean sure, we had ESY plus 2 appointments at Kennedy Krieger which meant the hubs and I were juggling things. I really wanted to be with my 9 year old at his 1 hour drop-in ESY appointment (we walk together and I love it) AND I wanted to be at my 11 year old's NeuroBehavioral Unit appointment, but I couldn't be at both. NBU won and the hubs took the 9year old to ESY. We met up for lunch and then I continued on to Baltimore with both boys for my 9 year old's Behavioral Psych appointment and the Hubs went to work. Everything was okay, really, there wasn't any rushing, it all seemed planned perfectly until...
When Behavioral Psych was over I felt so relieved, like I had been holding my breath. I have no idea why. I declared it a milkshake day because it was snack time, it was hot outside and the boys had done an excellent job. Baltimore has ONE Sonic and if I drive just right, I can put it in my path on the way home. I ordered 3 small shakes and anxiously awaited our Choc covered Strawberry for my 11 year old, Chocolate for my 9 year old and Hot Fudge for myself. I figured it was a good day to splurge. Except that they got the order all wrong. They brought the 11 year old a small but the 9 year old a medium and me a medium. I kept my mouth shut and figured as long as the boys didnt notice, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. (Except that I am really worried about my 9 year old's weight and he really shouldn't be having a milkshake much less a MEDIUM). The boys were happy so I tried my milkshake and it wasn't hot fudge, it wasn't even chocolate, it was vanilla (I hate vanilla).
I sat there stewing, I really don't need a milk shake, I really need to lose a lot of weight. But I wanted one. I NEVER EVER send anything back for myself, seriously, never. It takes more time and I am always weighing the boys ability to wait over whether or not I can just live with the mistake but today I REALLY wanted that milk shake. So I pushed the button and told them about the error. They said they would bring out a new milkshake ASAP. Except they didn't. I waited for 10 minutes at which point the boys were getting restless and wanting to go home and we still had about an hour drive ahead. So I left, without my milkshake, because really I didn't need it (but damnit I wanted it) and thats when it happened...
I broke. I don't break often, I really really try hard to stay put together but something about this day was just too much. It doesn't seem as such, I've had far more stressful days in the past (recently even). But that was it. The last straw for today. I turned the radio up for the boys, cried a little, drove home in traffic (too fast, I admit) and went over in my head every single thing, person, issue, instance that I am pissed off about and do I feel better? Nope. I don't feel one bit better. So today I won't be very good company and I don't think I'll talk much, I'll probably let the boys have too much "screens", I'll try to make a healthy dinner to counteract the medium milkshake my 9 year old shouldn't have had and when the hubs gets home I may lock myself in my room for the rest of the day because today I am done. Tomorrow is a new day...
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